Let me tell you, I never thought I'd make it this far. Don't get me wrong, I never thought I'd take my own life or anything of that sort... But when it came to growing up, I'd never really given much thought to what I might want to do with my life. It's funny because I say that to some adults and they laugh and say they're forty-something and they still don't know what to do with their lives. Well, while they might think they're comforting me, I actually get more concern than comfort from their words. I mean, I only get one shot to this 'life' thing. Why, on earth, would I want to waste it?
So, what do I want to do with my life?
That's such a loaded question but, at the same time, not. I know the answer. I'm just too insecure, under educated, and non-committal to actually pursue my dreams. I'm also too scared and I've been scoffed at so many times that I'm actually scoffing at myself. The truth is: I'm a writer. That's what I love to do. I love to tell a story, fiction or non, in words I loop together in my own fashion. I've known since at least the third grade that writing is my passion. So why the heck am I twenty-one and investigating credit card fraud for forty hours a week? How did I get stuck? Why was I never motivated to go to college and make something of my life? Honestly, I wish I knew. More importantly, considering I can't change the past, I really wish I knew where to go from here.
I'm three years out of high school, not even an attempt at a degree, no completed drafts or even promising story lines, and at least two dozen documents on my laptop proving many failed attempts. Do I write something the whole way through first? Do I get a degree? Do I look into publications? Do I change nothing and keep at my current pointless path? I just don't know. I don't really know anything. Well, I know one thing for sure, and that is that my biological clock is ticking away and I've already wasted three years I could've spent preparing for a family.
Mediocrity. My life has been twenty one years of mediocrity. So now, here's the real question...
How do you break a cycle of mediocrity?
