Alright, we've all been to that dark and lonely place where we've been disappointed by a guy in which we put so much attention and affection. It feels as if the entire world is crashing down around you, right? Especially for those virgin hearts being broken for the first time.
Good News: It doesn't feel this way forever.
Bad News: You won't believe me until the process is complete.
Bad News: You won't believe me until the process is complete.
I heard it all, too. He's not worth it, I'll get over it, I won't feel this way forever, I make my own happiness, There are more fish in the sea, I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, I'll move on. Aunts, Grandmas, Cousins, and nosey, busy-bodies all thought they could abra-cadabra my broken heart with their little quotes and sayings. I just didn't want to listen because I thought they had no idea what they were talking about. To be honest, I felt like they'd never been where I was.
But there is truth in what they said. Actually, there was truth in EVERYTHING they said, even though I didn't want to believe it at the time. Look sweetie, I know you're reading this for hope, but, frankly, you won't click on that red X at the top right corner with any kind of relief. Anything I write will go in one eye and out the other. However, if you aren't as thick-skulled as Yours Truly, I do have SOME helpful things to contribute.
Knowing that this dark hour will end is the best thing you can do. Taking life one day at a time and not looking far into the future (as far as your love life) will make the whole process more bearable. Unlike chronology, time in Heartland works differently.
{Example}
Bad date: Four hours = Four years
Good date: Four hours = Four minutes
Bad date: Four hours = Four years
Good date: Four hours = Four minutes
***POP QUIZ!***
Okay, lot's of questions, I know. But if you want the honest assessment as to where your heart resonates when it comes to the Big Dummy, don't look ahead until AFTER you find an old receipt or mirror and a pen or tube of lipstick. Answer these questions honestly, then compare your answers to my words of wisdom.
QUESTIONS:
01) How often do you check his Facebook page?
02) Is his number still in your phone?
03) If yes: Is his contact name a pet name?
04) Do you fall apart when you hear his name?
05) Does seeing his face make you 'Fall To Pieces'?
06) Do you have satisfaction when you bag on him?
07) Do you think about him more than once a day?
08) Does seeing him with another girl cause a panick attack?
09) Are you afraid to do things that remind you of the relationship?
10) Can you look at memorbilia with no negative emotions?
11) Do you cry because it's over or smile because it happened?
12) Are you able to recall the last conversation you had (physically or virtually)?
ANSWERS:01)You should have NO desire to check his Facebook page. Who cares "What's on his mind?"
02)It's okay to have his number in your phone. But if you answered that right away without skipping a beat, you are definitely NOT over him.
03)Girl! Change his name to the one his parents blessed him with. It shouldn't stand out from the rest of your contacts. He's just another person. That being said, that goes positive or negative. His name shouldn't be "Douche bag" or "idiot", and if it is, change it. Come on, grow up! Negative thoughts are still thoughts and you're aiming to having no thoughts at all about him.
04)Even if he isn't the person people are talking about, hearing his first name, especially if it's a common one, will tear you apart at first. But, when you can hear his name and feel absolutely nothing, that's when you shall know romantic peace.
05)If you're one of the lucky ones and seeing his face isn't a problem, you should move on quicker than someone who sees The Dreaded Ex everyday. Guys have a power over girls that can captivate their hearts with a single glance. Sometimes, I think they know of this evil and use it against us. I'm sure Hillary Clinton will let us know when NASA comes up with a defence mechanism. But if you fall apart every time you see his face, you are NOT over him. Try again in seven days.
06)I know how fun it is to tear down someone who hurt you, especially if they ripped your heart out of your chest and danced upon by smelly, rubbery-soled boots. It's completely okay to rip his name (and reputation ;)) to shreds while you're still in the healing process, but when you no longer find satisfaction in trash talking him, you'll know maturity and a healed heart.
07)It's natural for you to think about him every minute of every day because that's the habit you grew into while you were together. But once he's gone, it gets more and more painful to let him occupy your brain space. Train your mind to flash to another thought every time it accidentally (or purposefully) wonders to him. If you think about him more than once a day, you have some more work to do.
08)The worst part will be the first time you see him trying a new relationship. The VERY first girl you see him with will DEFINTELY be public enemy number one. Which is why you better have some strong friends because if he dates a friend after he ruins your life, you and that girl have some bouts to take care of. BUT this is girl world, so fight sneakily...with cleavage, makeup, and hair styling--NOT fists, kicks, and hair pulling. Mmmkay? You'll go through three stages when seeing him with other girls. First, it's gonna hurt like hell. Second, you're gonna tear the girl apart and tell yourself all the ways you're better than she is. But eventually, you just won't care. Stage three is the one we're looking for here.
09)My ex and I loved the movie The Titanic. It became a symbol of our relationship and I watched it all the time while we were together. We also went to the theaters to see some movies. For the longest time, I hated anything that mentioned the word "Titanic" and when those movies came out on DVD, I changed the channel every time I saw a commercial advertising this. When you stop avoiding reminders of your ex relationship, you shall know emotional wellness--and a free-er life.
10)Don't burn those old love notes or delete those old pictures. Even if they mark a period of your life that you miss, they are still a period of your life and you'll miss them when you undergo your mid-life crisis and you crave the rememberance of your first forty years (or so my mother told me). Put all those things in an old box and put it in your closet, under your bed, or in the attic. Take it out every third Saturday of the month and look through it. If your mascara doesn't run and you don't need a tissue, you will be at ease with those memories.
11)When something good ends, whether it's in the form of the death of a loved one or the ending of a school year, everyone cries when it first ends because they miss what they had. That's normal. Hello! Everyone does it. But as time moves on, you'll only smile because you remember the happy times with that loved one or the inside jokes you had with your friends that year. It's the same with the ending of a relationship. When you think about it and smile because of the fun times, you've made an excellent step in your journey.
12)The mind forgets things as it goes periods of times without recalling them. You might be able to remember the words to "Friday" now, but if you don't sing it regularly, you'll completely forget every lyric after a while. If you can recall the last conversation you two had, you have some moving on to do. You need to give your heart and mind more time to get away from him until you can be fully healed.
ANYWAYS: There are days when you're ready to handle the world. Your friends and family will give you pep talks that'll make you feel new again. Bottled these emotions up because there will be days when you don't want to get out of bed and you want to snap your fingers and have a chocolate fountain appear on your nightstand. For those days, popcorn and chick flicks make great companions and so do dogs. Tissues and waterproof mascara can be your safety blankets. Oh! And warm blankets, cushy pillows, and comfy pajamas can be your soft landing. Don't be afraid to cry, my dear. Everything will be okay. As time moves on, these days will be less and less frequent. The best thing in life is when they all subside.
"It takes time to heal a broken heart. Kind of like how it takes time to heal all of his broken bones." Miss Piggy said that. It was my mantra in the six months of wheeling, healing, and dealing with God. Even if you don't believe me now, you will when your prince charming (or another frog) comes knocking on your locker door. That's when you can leave me Thank You comments.
